Broads Learn Football

We still got it

Today, Nancy and I watched pro football together for the first time since the Superbowl. We went to R.J. Gator's, which attracts many extremely passionate Dolphins fan (Nancy refrained from sharing her gay logo theory with them). They had 2-for-1 beers, so I had four Miller Light beers (Nancy helped me with one of them) and she had a Coors Cutter so her baby doesn't have extra eyes, though I think it might be fun to have a child with superpowers.

We had two notable accomplishments today: we watched two games at the same time, and we came to understand an important strategic play on our own.

Watching two games at once was facilitated by the enthusiastic Dolphins fans who made it known when there was attention-worthy action, and by the two games that we were watching, MIA v BUF and NE v ATL, being on adjacent screens. Most of our time was devoted to the Pats game, but we did catch some exciting plays in the other game.

The strategic Pats move happened at the end of the fourth quarter. The score was tied with around three minutes on the clock and the Pats had possession around the 20-yd line. For the first three downs, the running backs charged straight into the defensive line, gaining barely a yard each time. Nancy was baffled at how stupid this technique was. I gave Billy the benefit of the doubt, and convinced Nancy that it's possible that there might be something going on there that we're not aware of. She finally agreed that perhaps Bill had something up his sleeve other than desperate stupidity. We knew that they only needed a field goal to win the game, and they could easily get it from where they were positioned. Then it occurred to us that they might be trying to kill time so that Atlanta wouldn't have time to tie them with their own field goal, while not risking an interception by passing. Finally, we remembered that as long as the ball doesn't go out of bounds (and possibly something having to do with the ball bouncing on the ground--we still don't have the spike thing totally worked out), the clock will continue running. Ah-ha! The run straight into the defensive line was a suicide mission for the sake of guaranteeing a field goal and the win.

These two accomplishments made us feel wicked smaht. We haven't completely loss our touch.

One final note came up last week but I was too lazy to get it down on virtual paper. Last season, Chris R gave us a quiz question having to do with clipping, but we never came close to figuring it out. Last week, the ref charged a penalty for clipping, and signaled to his knee area with his arm straight down, his fingers pointing towards his leg, palm up, and arm swinging forward and back. Clearly, clipping has something to do with the legs. Perhaps the length of the penalized player's trousers was not regulation and needed some shortening.

Wacky on the Junk

This year I am watching football in Dolphins territory.  The woe-begotten Dolphins.  Last year they were 4-12.  The problem seems to be with their mascot.  The dolphin is cute and all, but not very intimidating.  I don't care how hard an otherwise intimidating player beats his chest and punches himself in the head, he still looks downright cuddly sporting that dolphin.  I mean c'mon, the dolphin's even wearing a tiny little helmet -- how cute is that?    Ask any little girl what her favorite football team is, and she'll say the dolphins.  It was my favorite team when I was a tyke and I had never even seen a game.  My selection was solely based on the cute-factor. So, I think they need a mascot that makes the other teams want to run from them instead of hug them.  There are lots of scary things in Florida to choose from -- sharks and alligators, for instance.  I seriously think they should rethink this.

Some have tried to poke holes in my theory by pointing out that the Dolphins were once a good team.  I have an explanation for this.  That must've been back before the other teams updated their logos to make them look cooler.  For example, the old Patriot guy looked liked he was wacky on the junk -- hepped up on goofballs -- you get the idea.  If not, see for yourself (click on the pic for the full size version): 

This guy looks like he couldn't find the end zone without several weeks of much needed detox.

A bird by any other name. . .

When Nancy and I first started watching football, I told her a story that we frequently reference, but somehow it never made it to the blog. I think it's time. The story goes something like this. . .

We were talking about fans, team colors, cheering and enthusiasm. I told her about how passionate the Ravens fans were. There's a tall building in Baltimore that glows purple in the evening. The whole town is cloaked in purple when the team has a big game coming up. And when they do really well, people get dressed up like chickens on game day. I couldn't figure out why they would dress like chickens, but hey, football fans are crazy like that. About ten second later it dawned on me that they weren't chickens at all, they were actually Raven costumes. All those weekends I spent in Baltimore I never made the connection between the chicken outfits I saw and the name of the football team.

For most of last year, we referred to the Ravens as the chickens. Last night, during the game, Nancy told her husband the chicken story, but in her version, she thought the team was actually called the Falcons. I had to reminded her this morning that the Baltimore team is called the Ravens. We agreed that a bird's a bird, be it a pelican, sandpiper, or tufted titmouse. From now on, anytime we refer to a bird-named team that's not the Cardinals or the Eagles, it should be assumed that we're referring to the Ravens.

The Saga Continues

I'M SO EXCITED FOR FOOTBALL!!!

Last year's blog was indispensable to me this past week. As Nancy and I had expected, we forgot nearly everything we learned last year. I spent some time panicking on Wednesday, since the Pat's opening night was the next day and I couldn't even remember what offsides meant or what the ref signal was for pass interference. On top of that, I'm participating in a fantasy football league this year, so I have to at least sound like I know what I'm doing. I spent Wednesday and Thursday morning cramming, using only our own notes from last year, of course. It definitely paid off, but I still have a long way to go. Since last year's blog was so valuable to me this year, I decided it would be worth dusting off and giving it another go. Here are some things I learned during the past few games:

-The announcer said that "a nickelback covers the receiver slot". Nancy and I never quite figured out what the nickelback is last year. We thought it had something to do with the number five, like the fifth non-linebacker on the defense or someone that hangs out around the five-yard line. Now I'm thinking it comes from the idea of putting a nickel in a slot. To buy candy or bracelets or something. Anyway, that gives us a start, but we're not sure what the receiver slot is. The gap between receivers?

I guess I've only learned one thing so far. And I still don't really get it. But there's still a whole season ahead.

Nancy and I are starting to develop secondary favorite teams, both underdogs that have no chance of beating the Pats so it's alright to root for them. I'm getting sucked into the world of the Giants, and Nancy is supporting her husband's passion for the Dolphins.

Stay tuned for more in the coming weeks. . .

AFR and DES

Hadas and I spent some time studying Appropriate Fan Response (AFR) at the bar in our preferred bowling alley.  AFR first became a concern when my roommate expressed his disappointment in my apparent lack of enthusiasm after a spectacular interception on the part of the Pats.  What my roommate couldn't see was that on the inside, I was delighted.

I've got baseball cheering down.  I can throw out "walk is as good as a hit" and "good eye" until the cows come home.  Football cheering is far more subtle.  Its an expression of excitement and disappoinment very often done without the use of catchy phrases or even words at all.  Hadas has compiled a list of some things we've overheard:

Offensive cheering:
go, go, go! (or, go [insert player name here]!)
change it up! (or, mix it up!)
get a little movement on that line!

Defensive cheering:
get him!

General cheering:
yeah!
no!

Hadas threw out a few very effective yeahs.  I was quite proud of my hearfelt "go rodney" as he gained several yards.  rodney harrison is one of the few players i can recognize.

I've also experienced what Hadas calls "drifting eye syndrome" (DES).  I found my eyes drifting to an exciting play during a Notre Dame game while i was in the midst of interviewing a prospective roommate.  And, I momentarily ignored our waitress to catch a play during the last Pats game.

But Wait, There's More!

I was lucky enough to witness an overtime game yesterday. Here's how it goes down: there's a coin toss, and either the winner or loser decides which direction to kick. Then they go into a fifth 15-minute period, but it's sudden death. If no points are scored during this period, the game goes into double overtime. What happens during double overtime? Can there be a triple, quadruple, quintuple overtime? Does the game continue indefinitely until a point is scored, or do they, at some point, declare a draw?

go Pats!

We love the Pats. We're trying to pick our favorite players so we could get their jerseys to wear while we watch the game. We should probably have faves on both the offense and defense teams, and possibly the special team. I think my guy is Bethel Johnson, and Nancy's is Rodney Harrison. I also learned that Gillette Statium is affectionately know as "The Razor". I learned this when I heard the hip-hop song by The Perceptionists, a local group, dedicated to the Pats. If anyone has a copy of this song, I'd love to hear it again. I scoured the web for it but came up with nothing.

a different kind of ball

Broads Learn Football is on hiatus for the week to focus our moral and psychic support on another very important sporting event. We'll be back on Sunday to cheer on the Pats as they go for 6-0 and 22 straight weeks undefeated!

No Touchy

Let's talk pass interference. It looks like you can't touch the passer while he's trying to pass unless he's the quarterback, in which case tackling him would be a sack (tee hee). And, you can't touch the receiver when he's trying to catch the ball. I think you can make contact with the receiver as a result of trying to intercept the ball, but you can't, say, grab his arm in order to make him miss the catch. Hadas, does this sound right to you?

An aside: I really love it when they help each other up off the ground -- especially when they help up an opposing team member. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

There was a lot of talk of "boot legging" during the Cowboys v. Redskins game. Any idea what that is?

The Teams

The NFL (National Football League) is composed of two leagues--the AFL (American Football League) and the NFC (National Football Conference). I've heard the term "NFC East", so I think each league is further divided into divisions that play each other during the playoffs to determine the league champion.

We've managed to pick up some important background information about the different teams.
1. The Pats are the best team in the NFL, and could easily kick Ravens/Raiders/Giants/Panthers ass any day of the week.
2. Oakland has a crappy field.
3. A raider was a pirate specific to the Caribbean in the 17th century.
4. Baltimore bought the Browns many years ago and turned them into the Ravens, so there is a deep-rooted animosity between Ravens and Browns fans.

You know you're a football fan when. . .

Since the start of this endeavor, we've been finding ourselves saying things we never thought we'd say. Here are a couple of examples:
Where can we find a sports bar around here? (Nancy)
I'm excited for the post-game show! (Hadas)

Naughty Words

Here's a list of football terms that we couldn't help but notice sound naughty:

sack
penetration
BJ (saw this on the back of a ref's shirt)

And here's a naughty quote from an announcer:
"so hard and fast... didn't see him coming from behind."

Weekly Quiz

Pete was kind enough to offer us a weekly quiz of three questions that we will have to figure out the answers to by Tuesday morning. This week's questions are on the harder side, so we only need to get two out of three. If we get all the questions, we'll have one credit towards next week's quiz.

1. What is a two-point conversion?
(HINT: this is a new rule that was added several year ago to make the game more exciting)
2. What effect does a Safety have on the scoreboard?
(NOT what does the safety position do)
3. What is the difference between a quarterback and a cornerback?

You've Been a Bad Man

Let's talk penalties. I know a little about holding. While most of us like to be held, apparantly football players don't -- at least not during the game. It is especially bad to grab someone's face mask. Fans get really, really indignant about this one. When a penalty is incurred a yellow towel is thrown on the field -- I think it's called a flag. I'm not exactly sure what happens when a team incurrs a penalty. I think they can be sent back some number of yards. Perhaps there is also something like a free-throw (like in basketball). I know a little about basketball because I had a crush on Danny Ainge when I was like 12. I cried when he was traded. He was sooo cute.

Arms Akimbo

We are reasonably sure that the referee signal of hands on hips w/ elbows out to the sides means offsides. But, what the hell is offsides? Is it just another way of saying out of bounds? If so, does it refer to the player or the ball? For instance what happens when the passing guy throws the ball out of bounds versus the running guy running out of bounds with the ball in his hands? Does it matter who touched the ball last before it goes out of bounds, or if the ball hits the ground in bounds and then bounces out of bounds? What if someone steps out of bounds and the ball is nowhere near him? Is there a penalty for that (I think that would be silly).

it's a matter of down

at the core of every football game, there's a little, furry, long-eared creature called the down. as far as i can tell, a "down" is just the medical term for "10 yards". the offensive team has four tries to go ten yards from where they started. at the start of the game, both teams start at the 50-yard line, ie. the line of scrimmage. so the first down is the 40-yard line. if the ball is caught past the 40-yard line, say, the 35 yard line, then the next down starts where the ball is caught. so the second down would be at the 25 yard line. the offense gets four downs. i think. then do they have to hand the ball over to the other team? or go for a field goal? and if the defense intercepts the ball, do they start their first down from where they intercepted the ball, or do they go back to the 50-yard line? maybe the offense has 15 minutes to get four downs? and then when the clock runs out, the other team gets the ball and they go back to the 50 yard line. man, i know we're close, but still just out of reach. i'll get you yet, down!

Men in Tights

How many players are on a team? 12? We were tipped off yesterday that there is a different number of players on the field when the team is playing offense than when they're defense. This seemed to make sense, since you probably want to protect the skinny little quarterback when he's not needed. Nance, do you have any idea how many people are on the team altogether, and how many are on the field at a time? We'll have to count on sunday.

Referee Signals

Sometimes they do the macarena, other times they look like they're trying to get laid. What does it all mean?

Hands on hips, elbows out to the sides: offsides
The Hustle--hands in fists rolling about each other: turnover
Left hand clutching right wrist: holding

A little birdie once told me that there's another important man on the field--the one that indicates when the commercials are on. He wears bright orange gloves, and as long as his hands are down, the game is on. When his orange hands are on his hips, the game is on hold, allowing time for commercials to air. Shoba asked an important question last night at Stitch n Bitch: are his gloves knitted, and if so, with what kind of yarn?

Season Structure

Here's what I know about the way the season is structured:

There are 26(??) weeks of football. Each team plays every sunday, with two exceptions:
1. one week the team gets the week off
2. one week the team plays on Monday night, their "Showcase" game
I have no idea how it's decided which weeks the team gets the week off and the Monday night game.

Each week, two different teams play each other. Two teams will never play each other twice.

There are two leagues, AFL and NFL. Let's say there are 12 teams on each league. That means for 6 weeks, the league plays within itself. Then after that, I would imagine that you get to the "playoffs", if you will. Do they call it that in football? This is when the league champion is determined. Then comes the superbowl, where the two league champions meet.

Here's what Nancy determined about this weekend's game:

The Pats are not playing this Sunday. In the opponent column of the NFL schedule for this Sunday, it says, "BYE." Is that supposed to be cute, like bye as in see you later? Or is that some sort of football-related acronym? Discuss.

http://www.nfl.com/teams/schedule/NE

Anyhoo, they are not playing until the Sunday of the NYC Knit Out -- I smell a conflict. We'll have to squeeze in some post-bowling Monday night football or something. Gosh, that's so blue collar. Maybe we could start cat-calling guys on the street too, like construction workers. I've always wanted to yell:

"Hey baby baby, can I get me some of that!"